Hidden Agenda
by milkthepanda
Summary: [InuKag] They all wondered what Kagome and InuYasha really do when they went back to the future together. GLUB GLUB GLUB. Poor InuYasha. All he wanted was some lovin' and release...but things don't always go as planned. [crackfic] [COMPLETE]


**A/N:** I am so going to hell for this. I cannot believe I wrote this! .:laughs:. Ah, well, hopefully it'll make you laugh. Or at least smile at the weirdness of it all. I was inspired an actual crack in my friend's kitchen's table. I was having dinner with her family, and I asked, "What the heck happened there?" Her 18-year-old elder brother turned all red and quickly excused himself from dinner. XD How obvious can you get?

Everything else was conjured up in my mind. Poor, poor Miroku. I seem to enjoy torturing our favourite monk to death. .:looks at him in pity:. Don't worry! I'll make it up to you. Promise! .:takes out box of sex toys:. I'll give you these goodies as compensation. Okie doke? XD

By the way, sorry if the characters seem OOC. I mean, COME ON! There is so much obvious sexual tension in the series between Kagome and InuYasha. How can this _not_ happen? .:giggles:. Of course, if Kagome did protest, she's crazy. I'd be all, "TAKE ME, dammit! I'm all YOURS!" XP

Ignore me. I'm high on cold medicine. .:sneezes:. Buckley's. It tastes awful, and it works. Scary how it's true. .:advertises:. XD .:goes to Buckley's company for payment for ad:.

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**Disclaimer:** If I owned them, the following events in this story _will_ happen in the manga or anime, dammit! Just thank whoever you worship that the likes of people like me _do not_ own something as ingenious as InuYasha. Luckily it's in the good (and hopefully washes) hands of Rumiko Takahashi.

Oh, and I don't own Buckley's or its motto. .:shifty eyes:.

- - - - -

**Hidden Agenda**

- - - - -

"Miroku, why does InuYasha always go with Kagome whenever she goes back?" inquired the innocent kitsune with a scowl. "Buying supplies and ramen doesn't take _two_ people, does it?"

The novice monk dressed in purple robes hummed in thought, face serious as he gripped his staff tightly. Sango eyed him warily, petting Kirara soothingly as she hoped that his reply would be ethical.

"Good point, Shippo," Miroku answered, both eyes in a rainbow-curve. He smiled widely at the child, and added, "I believe that our two companions are engaging in certain…_activities_…" insert eyebrows wiggling here "such as – "

_SMACK_.

"Such as _what_, oh _honourable_ houshi?" Miroku rubbed his head gingerly, laughing sheepishly at the formidable demon exterminator.

"Since you asked, my lovely Sango, such as – " He took one glance at Shippo's intent face and changed his mind. Miroku leaned in towards Sango's ear and whispered…

Shippo, not having the super-duper hearing abilities that his guardian does, was unfortunately left to figure it out for himself. However, judging by how red Sango's face gradually grew and the sudden _fire_ in her eyes…

Well, it must have not been good.

"YOU PERVERT! HOW DARE YOU! You stinkin', good-for-nothing – "

"Uh…l-let's not be rash, dearest Sango…!"

" – stupid, lecherous, sorry-excuse-for-a-man – "

"Sango? Sango! No! SANGO! _AHHH!"_

BOOM. Thud. Crunch.

Shippo and Kirara winced in unison as they witnessed the ruthless brunette dropping a one-tonne boulder atop the holy man. At Miroku's desperate cries for help and groans of agony, all three of them turned a deaf ear.

"You know what? I don't even want to know." Kirara mewled in agreement.

- - - - -

**_Somewhere…in the heart of Tokyo…_**

"Ha…ha…uhn…aah! Nh…"

"Hmm…"

"Ha..haaa…uuuh…"

"…"

"Ah! Ah…hah…_AH!_" Grips hand. "Stop…stop…seriously…"

Panting, InuYasha slowly pulled his fingers out and licked them clean, eyeing the flushed and heaving Kagome in front of him hungrily and questioningly. "Why?"

The fifteen-year-old ravenette sat up, gently placing her palms on InuYasha's chiselled torso and pushed him away. "We'll soil the carpet. Mama would be angry."

Chuckling, the hanyou remarked huskily, "Since when were you such a good girl, Ka-go-me?"

The futuristic priestess blushed heavily and scowled, standing up and walking briskly away. InuYasha stayed put, enjoying the now stark-naked goddess in front of him. He especially liked the lovebites and hickeys that he's made on Kagome's upper torso and lower thighs.

InuYasha sighed. "What's wrong?"

Kagome stopped and looked back, "Nothing. You coming?"

His ears perked up at this, and golden eyes shined brightly. "Yes! You bet I'm coming!" Kagome's giggles and loud patters of feet filled the empty house.

- - - - -

"It's cold in here…"

"I'll warm you up, koishii." A venomous fang peeked out, sending a shiver down Kagome's spine. He pushed her against the kitchen table, lips hungrily devouring hers, chest to chest, skin to skin. Kagome returned his affectionate loving with equal ferocity, kissing his very breath out of his body.

Someone moaned. It was lost between the fevered mess of lips, tongue, and teeth.

Before Kagome realized what was happening, InuYasha lifted her up by the waist and placed her on top of the table, smirking slightly against the skin of her neck when she shivered against the chilly plane of the wood. "Are you cold, Kagome?"

"Mmm…InuYasha!"

He lowered his head to lick down her body, varying in speed and strength.

"InuYasha. InuYasha. Now. Please?"

He doesn't need to be told twice.

- - - - -

**_Back on the other side of the well…_**

"They _are_ taking an awfully long time…" Shippo looked on worriedly into the seemingly endless tunnel of darkness. Behind him, Sango sat with a napping Kirara and a wounded (but smiling) monk beside her.

"I'm sure that they're enjoying themselves," leered the holy man suggestively. Sango smacked him hard on the head.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, Sango-dearest."

"Oh, brother." Large green eyes rolled up towards the sky.

- - - - -

**_Meanwhile…back in the Higurashi kitchen…_**

"Uuh! H-harder! InuYasha! Harder….faster…"

"K-Kagome…"

Suddenly, out of the blue…

_CRACK_.

"AH! Something's wrong!" Kagome sat up abruptly, briefly knocking heads with InuYasha. "Ow."

"The fuck?!" He quickly pulled out of her, concern written all over his features.

Kagome pushed him away, ignoring the stickiness and wetness between her thighs, and got up. She turned around (flashing InuYasha a much-needed view of her backside) and groaned.

"Oh, crap!"

"What?" Golden eyes searched her body for any injuries, any discomfort, anything out of the ordinary.

"We broke the table." Her voice trembled with each word.

"How the hell did we do that?!" Pause. "Wait, is that all?"

Kagome spun around, a pissed off look on her face. "What do you _mean_ "is that all"?" She placed her hands on her bruised hips angrily, tapping her left food impatiently. "Because of your rough behaviour, this is what happened!" She pointed to a very noticeable crack in the expensive mahogany kitchen eating table.

"Oh, shit…" Amber eyes rolled in frustration and impatience as Kagome mouthed off. He _tried_ to ignore his beating libido – he really honestly did.

However, there is only so much a man can take. And having a near-orgasm experience is _painful_.

"Ah, fuck it!" With a new determination brimming in his eyes, InuYasha confidently threw Kagome over his shoulders and ran up the stairs…

Towards the bathroom…

…with Kagome screaming in his ear all along the way.

Ouch.

- - - - -

Quite frankly speaking, after the warm water had filled the bath, InuYasha coaxed Kagome into forgiving him with his talented mouth and resumed where they had left off.

InuYasha mentally congratulated himself on the genius idea of screwing her in the bathtub. The contrast of the temperature of the water compared to Kagome's was most satisfying, and each time he pulled out, he shivered.

"Ah…ah…ah-ah-ah!"

"Louder, Kagome. I can't hear you."

"Ugh! InuYasha! Uhh. Faster! Faster! GODS!"

"Ha, ha, ha…oooh, Kagome…"

Long, supple legs wrapped themselves around his lithe waist, pulling him in closer. InuYasha gripped the brim of the bathtub beside Kagome's head tightly.

"Ooh, InuYasha! Inu – aaah!"

"Wha-?!" InuYasha looked at his partner in surprise. "Kagome? KAGOME!"

Glub glub glub… 

The only evidence of Kagome now was the flurry of air bubbles that formed on the surface of the water, along with her flailing legs and thrashing body. The upper part of her body (including her head) was well-submerged beneath the bath.

InuYasha quickly helped Kagome up.

She gasped and coughed, her lungs burning as they tried to dispel the water within them.

InuYasha sighed and patted Kagome on the back lightly, concerned about her well-being and about his planned "activities".

At this rate, nothing was going to get done.

Things were not going his way today. _Curse the gods…_

- - - - -

The couple now lay in an overly-pink bedroom on an overly-pink bed, both panting and _finally _satisfied…

"Sorry about the bath thing." InuYasha murmured sleepily into Kagome's now dry hair. He tightened his arms around her waist, snuggling more into her body warmth and the blanket over them.

"It's okay…I'm just glad you didn't drown me."

"He he he…still, sorry."

Kagome silenced him with a kiss.

And this was when wonderful, loving, understanding Mama Higurashi chose to show up, apron on and fully smiling.

"EEK! MAMA! You're home early today!" Kagome quickly pulled the covers up to hide their nudity and tried to push InuYasha's head down _beneath_ the covers.

"The hell?" InuYasha struggled and stayed up. Then he saw the woman at the door. "Oh."

"Hello, InuYasha." Still smiling. "Why don't you two get dressed and come on downstairs? I making your favourite dinner!" With that, she stepped outside and closed the door behind her.

Silence.

"Well, your mom took _that_ fairly well."

"…" Kagome was speechless. "Let's get back to bed."

"'Kay."

They both snuggled down and welcomed the Sand Man into their awaiting arms…

- - - - -

**The End…?**

- - - - -

One. Two. Three…

"_KAGOME HIGURASHI! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE KITCHEN TABLE?!"_

"Oh, crap."

- - - - -

**The REAL End **

- - - - -

**A/N:** Please review! Now I need some sleep…or coffee…or ice cream…or both. x.x My brain is officially dead. My fingers are numb from the freakin' cold, and yeah, I'm done complaining. XD I'm OFF TO READ SASUNARU DOUJINSHI!

Oops. Capps. Later, peeps.


End file.
